Maybe I'm Not As Ok As I Thought I Was
by Sealure
Summary: "Boyd," Derek said sternly. "What are you talking about?" Boyd pointed at Isaac. "On his back," he croaked. Understanding flooded Isaac's face, and he started backing up rapidly as his Alpha approached. "Um, never mind, I know what he's talking about now. No worries here, I'm fine!" OR, Derek realizes just how broken this sweet boy really is. NO SLASH! T for mentions of child abuse


**As I have very well proven in the last few months, I am hopelessly in love with Isaac Lahey. Kid is so freaking adorable. Anyway, I was watching season two again, and just really needed a "Derek isn't a complete failure at being an Alpha" moment, cuz come on, people, Derek is like the worst Alpha ever. So I came up with this.**

 **WARNINGS: Past child abuse. Touches of PTSD.**

 **SPOILERS: First couple of episodes in season two. Also gives away the identities of Derek's second and third Betas.**

 **DISCLAIMER: Do you see Derek being encouraging and actually loving and supporting the children whose lives he's changed forever? No? Then I clearly don't own Teen Wolf.**

 _Maybe I'm not okay_

"Alright, that's it for today," Derek said, wiping his face off.

"Ok," gasped Erica, his sparring partner. Isaac and Boyd just nodded, too tired to say anything else.

Erica stepped into one of the old cars to change out of her workout clothes, while Boyd and Isaac just pulled their shirts off. Derek had stepped into his own car to get a clean shirt for himself when Boyd suddenly snapped, " _Isaac!"_

Derek leaped out of his car, just as Isaac whipped around and said, "What?"

Boyd was just staring at him, horrified.

"Boyd?" Isaac took a step closer. "You alright?"

"Dear God," whispered the older boy. "I mean, I'd heard it was bad, but that's just…."

Isaac blinked, then threw a look at Derek like _'Help.'_

"Boyd," Derek said sternly. "What are you talking about?"

Boyd wordlessly pointed at Isaac. "On his back," he croaked.

Understanding flooded Isaac's face, and he started backing up rapidly as his Alpha approached.

"Uh, never mind, I know what he's talking about now." Isaac dodged to the side, keeping his back facing away from Derek. "No worries, all good here! So you can, you know, stop following me now, I'm fine!"

Derek let out a low growl, and Isaac froze in place. But his face was pale, and his scent reeked of fear.

"Give us a minute, Boyd," the Alpha said. The dark-skinned boy nodded. He grabbed Erica's elbow as she stepped out of her car and towed her out of the tunnels, ignoring her startled and indignant protests.

"What are you hiding, Isaac?" Derek asked.

"Nothing, I'm fine," answered the Beta, eyes looking everywhere but at Derek.

"Isaac!" Derek let a little bit of red seep into his eyes, and he reached for the boy's shoulder.

Isaac flinched.

Derek froze. The kid had _never_ flinched from him before. A low whine pulled itself from Isaac's throat, and Derek swallowed hard.

"Isaac," he said again, and this time he said it gently, carefully. "Will you let me see your back?"

There was a long pause, and then, with a slow nod, the kid turned around. Derek felt his breath catch. Even after knowing him for such a short period of time, Isaac trusted him this much. Then he actually saw Isaac's back, and all other thoughts went out the window.

Long scars ran the entire length of the kid's back in varying degrees of width. Some were silvered with age, while others looked darker, more recent. There were other scars, too—puncture marks, and a couple that looked like surgical scars. There were several odd indentations on his ribs and spine that made the Alpha's blood run cold.

Derek could feel the color draining from his face. He'd seen the freezer, yeah. But this….. He lightly touched the marks, and Isaac flinched again, spinning around so he was facing his Alpha. He crossed his arms over his chest and curled into himself.

"Isaac," Derek murmured.

"It's ok," the boy whispered, shoulders hunching as though he could just disappear. He stared intently at the ground. "I'm fine."

Derek slowly and carefully reached for his Beta, making sure Isaac could see every move he made, and going slow enough that he could dodge if he wanted to. He didn't. Derek settled his hands on Isaac's shoulders with almost no pressure at all. The kid still winced.

"Isaac," he said, and his voice was wrecked. "This is not _ok_. This is not _fine_. This is so far from _fine_ that—"Derek's voice failed. He closed his eyes tight for a moment, trying not to think about how this precious, sweet boy had stood before his father—good Lord, his _father did this to him_ —and _allowed_ him to do this. Because somehow, this kid still loved that monster. Even before the Bite, Isaac was strong. He was plenty strong enough to force Lahey off of him. But he didn't. He never raised so much as a finger against the man. Derek forced his eyes opened again.

Isaac was staring at him.

"What?" the Alpha muttered.

"You're crying," the kid said softly.

Derek raised a hand to his face. And yes, there were tears running down his face. In any other situation imaginable, Derek would have raised an eyebrow, denied it for all he was worth, then wiped away any evidence of the emotion. But right now, he couldn't care less about his image.

"What are you crying for?" whispered Isaac, confused.

"For you," Derek said just as quietly.

"For—for me?" Isaac's blue eyes clouded. "Don't. Don't cry for me," he whispered, looking back towards the floor. "I'm not worth it."

And Derek couldn't take it anymore. He wrapped Isaac in his arms as tight as he could, cradling that precious, hurting, strong, broken child against his chest. He held his pup as though if he held him tight enough, he could protect him from everything that would ever hurt him.

Isaac jumped, startled, then let out one sharp whine of fear. But Derek wouldn't let go. Gradually, Isaac relaxed. Then his own arms came up around Derek, lightly, barely touching. But when Derek tightened his grip on the kid, Isaac _clung_ to him with a desperation and strength that would have broken a normal human's bones.

"Yes, you are," Derek whispered hoarsely. "You are worth this, and so much more. You never deserved any of that, and I am _so sorry_ I didn't find you sooner."

"It-It's not your fault," Isaac's voice was thick with emotion, and slightly muffled from where his face was hidden in Derek's chest. His entire frame was trembling. "You didn't know."

"I'm still sorry." Derek held him tighter.

Isaac took a few shuddery breaths.

And started sobbing.

He tried to stop, tried to hide the tears, but Derek could smell the salt. Isaac's slender shoulders started shaking, but his sobs were utterly silent. Derek knew that kind of pain—it went so deep, and it hurt so bad, you couldn't even scream. It was the soundless scream of a bleeding heart that was used to weeping alone.

When Isaac started trying to pull away, trying to hide it all away again, Derek gently dragged him closer. "I've got you," he whispered, pressing one hand to the back of Isaac's head. "I get it, pup. I understand, and I've got you."

Isaac's legs gave out, and Derek went to the floor with him, never loosening his hold. Isaac was clinging to him frantically and trembling all over. His sobs were gaining volume now that he wasn't afraid to show it. They were punching out of him until he couldn't even breathe. All the pain, fear, sorrow, and loneliness that had been building up since he lost his mom just poured out in a flood. Derek just held him, rubbing his back, trying to calm him down.

"Shhh," he murmured. "Calm down, pup. I've got you. Breathe, Isaac."

"I-I c-can't," Isaac gasped, hands grabbing fistfuls of Derek's shirt. "D-Derek—"

"Yes, you can," Derek said calmly. He grabbed the kid's hand and pressed it to his chest so he could feel the Alpha's steady heartbeat. "Can you feel that?"

Isaac nodded.

"Ok." Derek deliberately took a deep breath. His chest swelled with the motion. "Can you feel that?"

"Y-yeah," Isaac stammered.

"Ok. Just listen to my heartbeat. Can you do that for me?"

Isaac closed his eyes and nodded, desperately trying to calm down. "I'm-I'm sorry," he gasped.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for, pup," Derek murmured. "It's alright, I've got you. I'm not letting go."

The Beta whimpered and curled into Derek, resting his head on the Alpha's chest over his heart. His fingers were still twisted in Derek's shirt, but he was breathing better and he wasn't shaking as bad.

"He did this to me," Isaac whispered. "He beat me, and he hurt me, and he _scarred me._ " The kid let out a slightly hysterical laugh. "He did this to me. I wanted to get away, I wanted to be free. But Derek, I never wanted him to _die."_

"I know," Derek ran a hand through Isaac's curls. "I know."

"And now he's dead," Isaac said, choking on another sob. "He's gone. I was so afraid for so long. I would hear his car door close, and my entire body would lock up. I was always just. So. _Scared._ He made me feel helpless and worthless and _weak_. But he's still my dad. I didn't—"the kid made a sound like a wounded animal. "I didn't want him to die. He was all I had left."

Isaac's shoulders started shaking with sobs again, but these weren't the wild, desperate cries of earlier. These were quieter, full of agony and grief and memory. Just a boy weeping for his father.

"I still—"the pup's breath hitched. "I still love him. He's my dad."

And Derek's heart shattered at the whispered words. Isaac still loved the man. The Alpha bit his lip _hard,_ feeling tears start escaping his own eyes again. Derek just tightened his hold on the gentlest wolf in his pack and rocked him back and forth and let him cry.

After a while, Isaac's tears had run out. But the pup made no move to get up, which was good, because Derek didn't want to let go of him just yet.

"Sorry," Isaac sniffed, sitting up slightly.

"For what?"

"I didn't mean to fall apart," the boy murmured.

Derek ran a hand through Isaac's hair. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he said again.

Isaac tentatively leaned back towards his Alpha, and Derek pulled him close, wrapping him up in his arms. Derek let out a low, whining growl, a sorrowful sound that also promised "I'm here. I'm here and I won't leave you. I've got you. I love you. You're my pack. You're my family." All those things that Derek just couldn't say out loud.

Isaac curled closer and echoed the sound, resting his head on Derek's shoulder.

It had been about thirty minutes when Derek realized that Isaac's breathing had deepened, and his heartbeat had slowed. Isaac had fallen asleep. The Alpha bit back a smile and carefully rose to his feet, cradling Isaac in his arms. He carried the Beta to his own train car—there was no way Derek was leaving him alone tonight—and laid him down on the mattress. He texted Erica and Boyd to let them know they could come back now, then laid down and wrapped his arms around his kid.

The overgrown puppy instantly relaxed, knowing even in his sleep that he was safe. Derek ran a hand through Isaac's curls and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. And he made a promise—both to himself and to this precious child who had put his trust in him. He promised that as long as he drew breath, Isaac Lahey would never be hurt like that again.

Derek nodded to himself. This boy was a part of _his_ pack now, and his pack took care of its own.

This pack was a family. And no matter how long it took to convince him, they were going to prove to Isaac that they weren't going anywhere anytime soon.

 _ **~~~Fin~~~**_

 **Well look at that! I _am_ capable of writing happy things! Way to go, me!  
**

 **Anyway, hope you liked it!**

 **Reviews are love! The more reviews I get, the more stories you get!**


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